My Journey

Dec 08, 2010

Have you ever wondered why you ended up the way you are?  Well it took me 35 years to work that one out. 

My journey begins in early childhood.  I spent most of my first 7 years with my grandmother who was a lovely woman.  However, she did bring me up to eat everything she put on a plate (and boy could she cook). 

My school years were reasonable but I was always on a diet as my mothers portions control was non-existant.  My weight shot up and down like the dreaded yoyo.  My mother was a control freak and wanted me to be a modle size I'm sure.  But being a kid i rebelled the only way I could.  I wasn't unfit at all.  I could swim a mile and I cycled about 40 mile a week on adverage.  But for my mother this was just not enough.  I had to be slim.

i think I must have lost about 75 stone by now, maybe more lol

Last year I was offered a bypass and I grabbed it as quick as blinking an eye.  I had no second thoughts about it.  I had over 10 years of reasearch behind me and I even had to show my doctor the way forward too.

So on the 28th October 2010 I entered the operating theater to be re-constructed (eat your heart out Steve Austin).

When I woke from my operation I was in agony.  Not through my stomach being put through hell of a bypass but my back.  I have what is called a hollow back (a bit like J-Lo).  So flattening me on that slab put my back through hell.  The poor nurses couldn't understand why I was in so much pain until I managed to ask for a pillow for my spine!

I was back on the ward in no time and under obs for the next 12 or so hours.  That went well until a nurse asked the silly question.  'Would you like to go to the toilet?'  Oh my!  If only she hadn't said that I would have slept through most of the night.  Thanking her I eventually said yes.  So she brings me a standard size commode lol  Well as  you can guess my neat little bum won't fit on it.  So 'Oh nurse we have a problem.'  Eyeing the situation she removes one of the arms.  Ah at last time to release...  

A couple of hours later and we reach the next problem.  'Open wide you have a pill to take.'  So she pops this giant pill in my mouth and off she goes.  Help!  what am I supposed to do with this in my mouth?  What seems a couple of hours later and after Ive been to sleep. I manage to get the attention of a passing nurse by trying to say 'HELP!'   Over she comes and asks what is the problem.  To which I open my mouth and stick out my tongue out at her with the pill in tact in my mouth.  Agast she says 'Your ment to suck that!.'  Eh um please someone tell me what planet are nurses from?  I've been without water for over 24 hours how the hell can I or anybody else for that matter suck anything??

14 hours after my operation I'm up and about.  Off to the bathroom, from which I emerge to find my surgeon looking rather peplexed and worried looking at the end of my bed.  'Morning Doc.'  I call as I emerge.  Panic over patients not died over night!  After consultation with a very happy doc.  Patient up and about is a result.

2nd night after my op.  Night nurse come to emply my drain.  The drain is running slow, so she thinks its a good idea to squeeze the bag.  Only the contents decide she's an idiot and shoot out the bag all over the floor and onto my slipper.  Oh it hurts to laugh.  If that wasn't enough she jumps up only to bang her silly head on my bedside table and almost knock herself senceless.

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