more job stuff

Feb 13, 2010

ok.... well, it hurts, a lot, to get a peremptory email from the company owner letting me know i didn't need to come back with no explanation, no response to my inquiries, and never a word from my supervisor, who apparently would have allowed me to come in to get my head handed to me in person.  it's humiliating, and fills me with self-doubt and triggers every social insecurity i have.  the truth is, while this is a pattern in my life and therefore my responsibility, i have no way of knowing what actually happened.  it might have been something i did or said - probably - but it might have been any number of things, including money.

it feels wierd, in a stupid way (because i know better) to be losing weight and making progress in so many areas, and struggling over here.  i feel as if i should be doing better professionally because hey, after all, i am thinner!

however while especially yesterday the temptation was to power-mope, i was really touched by a couple of things.

-- love and support from my friends (thank you bridgetjones)
-- love and support from my husband, who has been really encouraging and even while he tries to help me puzzle out what i'm doing wrong, has praised me for the effort and for not giving up, and continues to encourage me to pursue my real dreams of being self-employed.  we joke, kind of, that maybe i'm just one of those people who can't work for anyone else but themselves.
-- i do, and have for ten years, want my own business.  i have a couple of things i was seriously pursuing before this supposed writing opportunity dropped out of the blue, and i'm getting back in the groove with them rather quickly.  i even have an appointment to look at office space on Monday.  i plan to write a seminar this week also.

and, truthfully, the money i earned in these 3 weeks is good enough to help us stay afloat for at least a few months while i move toward these goals.  plus, we have some money back from the government now (taxes) which i'd rather not use but which might be dipped into at least marginally.  if i'm working part-time and but not making ends meet, that might be enough.  (i do plan to continue to seek employment, especially part-time work, while trying to get business A and B off the ground).

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