Day 2 pre-op diet

Jul 11, 2014

Sigh......

I am not really a sweet eater.  I really prefer savory.  I can do this, I can do this....Really?  I HAVE to do this!  This is my last ditch effort to lose weight and establish a healthy lifestyle.  Redefine my relationship with food.  Learn to eat to live rather than live to eat.  For 42 years, since the age of about 11 or 12, I've had a love/hate relationship with food.  I'm tall and big boned. I can remember my mother going on a new diet all the time.  I remember hiding food, binging, gorging and when I wanted to puke, I couldn't so I bought laxitives.  I would get a sense of high about food then crash into lows and feelings of guilt when I gorged.  I started doing what I learned....a new diet, diet pills, fad diets and more.  I smoked so I wouldn't be hungry.  Then I got pregnant with my daughter, out of wedlock and married her dad.  I changed jobs which neccessitated a 3 month move away from my new baby and new husband.  I ate and ate and ate to make myself feel better or not feel?  Then I worked my new job, training and living in a new state with a new baby and a new husband.  And got pregnant again.  I had a baby boy and had to go back to train again at my job but this time, no move.  Oh yeah and we bought a house.  I wanted a divorce as I really didn't love my children's father.  He made me feel like I was nothing and not able to survive without him and when I did try to leave him, he used the kids against me, telling me I would be paying HIM child support and getting visitation because I couldn't survive without him.  I anestistized my feelings with food, took up smoking again and well, stuck it out with him until my kids were in college. Now divorced and living in a different state, different career and my own home, I realize I CAN do all the things he said I couldn't.  The only thing I can't seem to do is lose weight.  Which brings me to here and now....today, day 2......I CAN do this!

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