My boyfriend...
Nope, you can't change anyone. They may change temporarily to shut you up, but you will have just nagged them into doing something they are not ready to do. Then stand back and watch the resentment build until they tell you to **** off.
Treachery and deceit are not the way to go here.
I fight badgers with spoons.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
Suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Um... Wow.
How many "chunky"/"chubby"/"husky" kids developed into overweight or obese adolescents and then became morbidly obese or super morbidly obese adults despite parents who tried for years to shame, bribe, manipulate, or even threaten them in order to get them to lose weight and get healthy?!?
Based on what you have written here, the fat shaming you experienced didn't get you to lose the weight and start taking care of yourself.
Everything in both my personal and professional training and experience says that your approach is the fastest way to alienate someone and drive them away. Most people don't want to be in a relationship with someone who shames, bribes, and manipulates them (even if they do it out of concern) and will lose respect for someone who does so.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
How many boyfriends did I get to give up habits I found unhealthy or offensive, quite a few. My ex husband was a smoker, I said either quit or we can't be together. He quit. I dated other men with habits that were unhealthy, I made them stop. My son never had any weight issues because I never allowed my mother and grandmother to fill his world with goodies and make him have weight issues. I control my dogs weight by not allowing them to eat human food. Yes you can influence and change people. Obviously this sounds like news here, which has nothing to do with shaming a fat person, it has to do with using the love card. You love me so be all you can be for me. I learned at a young age how to manipulate situations because that is the only way to get what you want. Do you honestly think there are people out there who do unhealthy things that need to stop and don't need help. When my grandmother had several strokes she was still smoking, I couldn't force her to stop but I never facilitated buying cigarettes, never allowed anyone to smoke in front of my son, never allowes there to be guns in the house of people he visited, including my family. I just think I am worth more then letting people figure out things for themselves. I don't take chances, I take action.
Not enabling behavior is very different from bribing, lying, and humiliating someone into changing. And people aren't pets. I notice that all of these people you manipulated into changing to suit you are now all "ex." It's very easy to see why.
Manipulation is not a valid basis for a healthy long term relationship. At least pets get their bellies rubbed on a regular basis.
6'3" tall, male.
Highest weight was 475. RNY on 08/21/12. Current weight: 198.
M1 -24; M2 -21; M3 -19; M4 -21; M5 -13; M6 -21; M7 -10; M8 -16; M9 -10; M10 -8; M11 -6; M12 -5.
The ex-boyfriends probably got their bellies rubbed regularly, too, but they still each ended up as an "ex". 
I wonder how many of them resumed whatever habits they were manipulated into giving up once they were back in a Heidi-free zone? (That isn't intended as a snarky rhetorical question... I truly wonder. Call it a professional curiosity.)
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Let's see my ex husband went back to smoking once I divorced him. His second wife made him quit again. He went back to smoking after she divorced him and now he had to quit because he's got all sorts of medical issues and surgeries on his spine and is scared he might die. So the 18 years he was a non-smoker with me and the ten years with Melissa probably saved his life. He thanks me everyday for being a great mom to our son and a wonderful person and apologies for not being able to be the person he should of been. I gave him many chances to stop gambling and he did not quit, I let him ruin me financially for my son to have a dad, but I finally got fed up and divorced him, I was a struggling single mom, who took no help from anyone to survive, what I have I earned, what I learned along the way about myself, about relationships, about what I would and would not tolerate has molded me into the person I am today. I divorced as a MO womyn, who had married my high school boyfriend, it was an entirely new experience, but I found I was a great person and being with me was worth it, if you wanted me, you had to be up to my standards and I wasn't about to settle, it wasn't easy with a young child to find men who would be good role models, who would share my morals and my ethics and my drive and ambition and desire to change and make the world a nicer place. It wasn't easy at all. I divorced in 1999 and met a man from Australia how flew to America to meet me, and reciprocated the invitation for me to visit Australia in 2000, I met and dated other men as well. I learned from each experience. When my mom died in 2002 I met my boyfriend exactly 5 months after she died and we have been together ever since. Always perfect nope, we have broken up, but our love is endless and our relationship built on love and passion.
Here's your answer. Hope it helps you understand relationships, maybe I could tutor you on how to get a boyfriend that won't think you are neurotic? That's what the last one said right? Was it neurotic? Or was it you had issues? I forget, it was unfortunate nevertheless whatever it was you posted asking us what he meant. I feel bad for you. I can try to help if you like. 
Let's see my ex husband went back to smoking once I divorced him. His second wife made him quit again. He went back to smoking after she divorced him and now he had to quit because he's got all sorts of medical issues and surgeries on his spine and is scared he might die. So the 18 years he was a non-smoker with me and the ten years with Melissa probably saved his life. He thanks me everyday for being a great mom to our son and a wonderful person and apologies for not being able to be the person he should of been. I gave him many chances to stop gambling and he did not quit, I let him ruin me financially for my son to have a dad, but I finally got fed up and divorced him, I was a struggling single mom, who took no help from anyone to survive, what I have I earned, what I learned along the way about myself, about relationships, about what I would and would not tolerate has molded me into the person I am today. I divorced as a MO womyn, who had married my high school boyfriend, it was an entirely new experience, but I found I was a great person and being with me was worth it, if you wanted me, you had to be up to my standards and I wasn't about to settle, it wasn't easy with a young child to find men who would be good role models, who would share my morals and my ethics and my drive and ambition and desire to change and make the world a nicer place. It wasn't easy at all. I divorced in 1999 and met a man from Australia how flew to America to meet me, and reciprocated the invitation for me to visit Australia in 2000, I met and dated other men as well. I learned from each experience. When my mom died in 2002 I met my boyfriend exactly 5 months after she died and we have been together ever since. Always perfect nope, we have broken up, but our love is endless and our relationship built on love and passion.
Here's your answer. Hope it helps you understand relationships, maybe I could tutor you on how to get a boyfriend that won't think you are neurotic? That's what the last one said right? Was it neurotic? Or was it you had issues? I forget, it was unfortunate nevertheless whatever it was you posted asking us what he meant. I feel bad for you. I can try to help if you like.
You're hysterical Heidi. Well, at least your way of rewriting history is. I have never had an ex call me "neurotic" or say that I "have issues". (Although we all have some issues...)
What he actually said was that he found me "confusing" because I have such a wide variety of interests and have have more than a one dimensional personality. Most people consider that well-rounded, but he is an engineer with a a fairly one dimensional personality and he found it confusing.
You, know, things like being a Mensa member *****ads ****ro in Latin but also reads Stephen King, who likes the theater but also loves roller coasters and occasionally enjoys mindless television shows, who likes to get dressed up in a LBD for a nice dinner out but is generally most comfortable in jeans and a sweatshirt.
My original post about it is HERE if you care to correct your memory.
Thanks for the offer, but after reading your posts on here for several years, and especially after your comments about using manipulation and bribery to get what you want in a relationship, I will pass on any relationship advice or "help" from you.
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Let me play devils advocate for just a minute.......
1. The OP was much nicer to you than you deserve....good thing this is a moderated site.
2. Why do you attract people you have to 'fix' and control ? Power ? insecurity ?
3. Power, control and threats do NOT promote change.....it promotes fear which is not a change it is conformity.
4. So your ex quit smoking for you but was gambling.... NEWS FLASH addiction issues don.t respond to threats.
5. If a man had told you to lose weight, without surgery, or he was leaving what would you have done ? how would you feel ?
4. The OP is definitely someone to feel sorry for.....her PhD, great job, family, friends, amazing experiences and...oh ya the Mensa thing make her pathetic.
I can see how someone like you would find that threatening and worth changing her so you would feel better about being a controlling ' B '
5. Be careful Heidi, you will end up a controlling, lonely old woman......and someone may drop a house on you my dear ! 
SRVG 1997 SW 301 Revision to RNY 10/3/13 SW 247 GW 130 Ht 5'8
