Doubting Family? Help!

My surgery is right around the corner (7/22) and today my Mom tried to talk me out of it. She said things like: 

"Are you sure you really need it? Its so extreme." 

"Can't you just do this on your own? I've seen you doing so well on your pre-op diet, maybe you can just keep that up?"

"This is going to disable you for the rest of your life, are you sure its worth it?"

I feel so confused.... and a little sad. I have been really excited about the surgery, but also really nervous about the lifestyle changes that will come afterward. Knowing that she feels nervous too makes me feel like she doesn't believe I can do it or something. I'm starting to wonder if she is right. I SO did not need this right now. I need her support during this time more than ever. She has never been overweight, she doesn't understand what its like to need to lose 125 pounds. Dieting isn't enough, obviously. 

I guess I needed to vent a little. But I am also wondering if any of you have experienced similar disappointments/lack of support right before surgery. Did you postpone your procedure? Or just do it despite what others thought? I am so confused. :/

I was so nervous before my surgery and it was all for nothing.  It was the easiest surgery I have ever been through, and I've had several. I am so glad I went through with it. I am five weeks out and doing great. I've lost 32 lbs so far and just had to go shopping for smaller clothes.You will not be disabled in any way. If anything, you will be able to do more because you won't be limited by your weight. It'll be ok. Don't postpone your surgery. Just think, in a few months you  will be well on your way to a whole new you.

Can you email me.  I have questions & need some advice.  Not sure how to post

Thank you for your comments. I was very doubtful, but after hearing encouragement from so many fellow VSGers, I am encouraged again. Congratulations on your weight loss, and on buying new clothes! Hooray! 

I had a 6 month required pre-op phase, so I told my mom early so she'd get used to the idea.  At first she just told me stories about everyone she ever knew who had some sort of WLS back in the 80s/90s - mostly failure stories or gory details about complications or how they had to eat "weird food and drink weird shakes" for the rest of their lives.

Finally after educating my mom about the procedure, how things are done now, what my pre-op and post-op dietary needs were, and showed her the cold hard facts about my weight compared to normal (177 pounds above the normal BMI range really drove it home for her) - and she finally came around.

Sound like your mom has some mis-information too.  You will not be disabled by surgery - you will be freed from any mobility issues or aches and pains you have b/c of your weight.

Show her the facts on obesity and WL success.  5% who lost it on their own keep it off for 10 years - 95% FAIL, with surgery your odds are better at 80% success!

I would not delay b/c of what someone else thought.  you are an adult (presumably) and you get to make these decisions for yourself.

Thank you for your response. I appreciate the statistics you included, and I think I will use these to make my case for her. You are right, I am an adult and I can make my own decisions. Although I want her approval and support, I will go ahead with this surgery even if I don't have either of those from her. 

"Disabled for life"?   Just where is your mom getting her information?  You know what disables you for life:  heart attack, stroke, joint replacement, diabetes and all those other nasty diseases and disorders that come from being morbidly obese.  Your mom doesn't understand this because she hasn't had to deal with all the nasty effects of being obese.  Get over the fact that she can't support you right now, I'm betting she'll come around later.  YOU need to advocate for yourself and don't let the naysayers confuse you. 

The only thing this surgery does is permanently reduce the size of your stomach for life.  It does NOT disable you, it does NOT prevent you from eating crappy food, and it does NOT prevent you from being a lazy slug.  You could certainly have this surgery and not do one other thing and still end up fat.  You have to decide that you will make lifestyle changes so that you can become MORE active and MORE engaged in life.  When you do that your mom will become a true believer. 

My husband didn't think I could do it - or would do it - either.  You know what shuts people up?  Success! :-)  

You are so right. She just doesn't understand.

I appreciate your comment about the reality of what the sleeve does (and does NOT) do. I know it isn't a cure-all, but simply a tool that will only work if I work it. 

I loved the last line of your comment... success shuts people up! It is my new mantra. Thank you. 

I waited two years for my surgery, so I had a LOT of time to get used to it, and I only told people in my life that I could count on for support.

I would say to your mom "I appreciate your concerns, but please know that I AM going to be having this surgery, and what I REALLY need from you right now is support"

Can your mom come with you to a doctors appt? Or another appt?

In my program, I had 6 months of classes and appts with psych, dieticians, and others. I was allowed to bring people to any of my appts so they could learn about the procedure, or just for support.